Top ways to make yourself sick:
Use tobacco (smoke it, chew it, hang around in places where you can breathe in lots of second-hand smoke)
Eat a poor diet (the more calories, fat, and sugar the better; you can’t get enough of a good thing, right?)
Don't go to the doctor for a yearly preventive check-up (why go looking for a problem?)
Don't treat your existing medical conditions (diabetes, heart disease, that weird lump you found in your armpit, etc.)
Alienate the people around you (friends, family, who needs ‘ em!)
Get really, really stressed out (work at a job you hate, don’t tell people how you really feel, lose hope, etc.)
Be careless (don’t wear a seatbelt in the car, don’t wear a helmet on your bike, speed to excess, run red lights, generally be reckless with your body)
Drink too much alcohol (if you can remember drinking, you didn’t drink enough)
Use drugs, lots of drugs (take illegal drugs, abuse prescription drugs, make your own drugs in your bathtub if you have to!)
Don’t go to the doctor when you get sick (instead just “tough it out”)
Don’t get enough sleep (after all, you can sleep when you’re dead)
Get a really great tan (lay out and bake in the sun, or in a tanning bed; in fact, sleep in a tanning bed if you can)
Be hateful to others, be selfish, be mean, assume other people are essentially bad (after all, if you expect the worst you’ll never be let down)
Practice any of these and you will.
